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My fellow Americans,
Today I have a few new announcements to share with you, as well as my thoughts on several legal issues of the day. First of all, let me say that I have immensely enjoyed my time as Attorney General so far. It's been a great honor to serve as this country's top lawyer, law enforcement official, and law review article reader, among other things. Let's hope that the rest of this term will turn out to be as fruitful as this part has. Secondly, I feel it's only appropriate that I address the recent reveal that Dixie District Court of Appeals Judge Clarence Freeman wore the robes of a Klansman back in 1968 as a Halloween costume. This is a disturbing development. By 1968, there were 14,000 members, down severely from its high in the 20's and 30's, and even the 40,000 members it had in 1965. In fact, only recently has Klan membership been ramping back up to historic levels, within the past decade or so. This is a grave concern of the Department of Justice, and the Civil Rights Division is continuing to make sure that hate crimes, particularly those propagated by the KKK, its associated groups, and its imitators, are being prevented. As for Judge Freeman's opinion in the Dixie Inn case, where I submitted an amicus brief to the Dixie Supreme Court primarily on federal civil rights matters, I cannot say that I'm surprised after seeing this picture. What I'm more surprised with is that the Judge got someone to agree with his horrible opinion that, quite literally, paved the way for 2/3rds of the Dixie Supreme Court to drive back civil rights in 1/5th of the country back to 1950's levels or worse.
My opinion on the Dixie Supreme Court's ruling? It's extremely dangerous, not to mention legally duplicitous. You cannot use religion as a smoke screen to discriminate against people in violation of state and federal civil rights laws. That's how it is! That's how all the other courts say it is! To quote the majority opinion: "The Dixie Government has no ability to “entitle” its citizens to the property of other citizens against the religious and civil protest of said citizen. This court holds that no entitlement could be enforced nor does one exist under the bounds of the Constitution of the United States which grants mastery of one’s property to oneself." Congratulations Dixie! Want to discriminate against African Americans? Your religion can claim to say so! Want to discriminate against teenagers? Your religion says so! Want to discriminate against the elderly, the lame, the inform, or all those people who aren't white? Your religion says so! And guess what? That same opinion goes on to say: " We reject Appellant's attempt to define Mrs. Lawler’s Christianity as a subversion of her rights as an American citizen to freely practice one’s religion and engage in the free association and speech granted private citizens and their property. We instead elect to allow Mrs. Lawler to define her Christianity, not Appellant." That means you can define what your religion is, in Dixie, and the Court, by its own ruling, cannot question it! You can say that your religion makes you need to own a white-only restaurant, or a Christian-only restaurant, or a snackbar for those only from Winnipeg, Calcutta, or Swaziland, and guess what? The law allows! The Supreme Court of Dixie provides! This is a disgrace! And then to claim it's A-OK because a law is not the least restrictive way to prevent discrimination? Let me read you one line from the dissenting opinion, filed by Dixie's Chief Justice: "A law should not be the first institution used when attempting to right a wrong, but it is the most effective when things do not change, and the need for said change is overwhelming due to discrimination or other legal error." That is exactly what the majority of the Court forgot, beyond their twisted view of the Constitution's right to free exercise of religion. Perhaps it's foreseeable that the Court of Appeals opinion was thought up by a Klansman, perhaps not. But both it, and the majority opinion of the Supreme Court, are disturbing and wrong nonetheless.
As for other matters, I guess it's time for me to discuss the Department's opinions on lootboxes. Several Representatives have come out in support of H.R.583, which is designed to stop lootboxes from being accessible to children, and attempts to outright ban them altogether. While I disagree on the methods the bill proposes, I agree that lootboxes need federal regulation, be they under consumer protection laws, laws relating to interstate gambling, or otherwise. Lootboxes, particularly with regards to children and the addicted, are dangerous. They need to be regulated, particularly in games that are popular with young children, who are impressionable and don't know any better, The idea that gambling in one form is OK for children, but not others, is nuts. Gambling, in any form, is not OK for children. Even then, some lootbox systems have less odds of winning a particularly high value prize than slot machines or table games at a Las Vegas casino - which can make it almost impossible to actually get a prize without spending a boatload of money. Which makes business sense, but is not in the interest of the consumer in any way, shape, or form. I call on Congress to, without delay, pass a proper law that allows the DoJ and other agencies to regulate lootboxes in video games, to limit them when children play, and make their odds publicly known. Among other things.
I'm proud to announce that, in the next few months, the Federal Government will begin working on building the new, state of the art, National Evidentiary Investigation Center of Excellence. This is in partnership with the Office of Justice Programs, the FBI, the DEA, and the Department of Homeland Security, among others. With the vast majority of crimes being decides on evidence today. versus witness testimony, and the high volume of evidence in all of its forms, digital, physical, or otherwise, it is important that all levels of law enforcement learn the best techniques in collection, management, handling, and testifying, in order to get the best results out of the evidence they have, and to prevent costly mistakes that can put innocent people behind bars, or set guilty ones free. Digital evidence management is a large part of this emerging field of 21st century evidence, and it will be central to our efforts at this Center. The risks for mishandling evidence, either from not enough training, carelessness, incompetence, or outright malice, are far too high for such an effort not to be undertaken. More evidence correctly collected and managed, means much less chance of innocent people getting convicted. While new standards, at the federal level, and hopefully at the state level, will prevent scandals from occurring that throw into question why evidence is handled and scrutinized as it is, if not its usefulness entirely, particularly when it comes to drugs and other easily contaminated items. For justice to be accessible for all, the victim, the accused, and the officers involved, we must be trained, and keep a watchful eye, on the best ways and practices for evidence, and this new center will help us do that in a way that will return the investment many times over.
Finally, speaking of evidence, I would like to announce that the DoJ's law enforcement agencies are beginning development of an RFP for a next-generation biometric identification system. While fingerprints are still the primary way that law enforcement identifies criminals, since everyone touches something, except for those who wear gloves, there are other biometric identifiers that can be used for collection that will provide benefits in the future. Palm prints, shoe prints, hand prints, iris scans, earlobe prints, facial recognition, and more. All of these, and who knows what else, could become the new standard, or enhance fingerprints as a way to assist agencies in stopping criminals. It's something I have a particular passion for, as I have family and friends who have been in the field for many years, which inspired me to get involved in criminal justice, and eventually end up here today. This RFP will hopefully be released sometime within the next year, after it has been properly developed, and requirements have been laid out that make sense for the agencies involved - particularly in regards to support, secure cloud access, multiple-identifier support, as well as integration with our current evidence management software. All of this will turn into a powerful system that will set an example for the rest of the United States, as well as the international community, to follow, as a prime system for identification and matching. Which is exactly what we need.
I will now open up this press conference to questions.
Thank you.

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The first two chapters of my fourth novel, called Madness. It's about an American journalist that travels to this horrible country called Swaziland and meets a colorful drug dealer. My agent had me change some of the themes to make it easier to sell. Plus I've had this subreddit bookmarked wanting to try it. Please tear it apart. It's on its third revision so it's time to "write for the haters" and pre-fix problems that my haters will nitpick in this.
A summary of what happens: Levi Rucker is a writer for Vice Magazine. It opens outside Swaziland's borders with a mutated leopard eating his guide. His photographer has fled. On the way to the Swaziland border, he finds his photographer. At the border, their papers are such that they are only allowed in the country as a pair and must leave as a pair. They walk to a town, stay at an inn, but the photographer disappears. Levi leaves, taking the photographers papers. Along the way, he stops in a village looking for help and ends up with a bunch of kids to carry his bag. Before he gets to Piggs Peak Casino, he is picked up by a colorful drug dealer named Lindiwe Dyuba. At the casino, they drink and do drugs. Dyuba agrees to pose as Levi's photographer, taking pictures and leaving the country with him, because he hates Swaziland and can't leave. Levi gets attacked outside the casino and Dyuba saves him. The two realize their attraction for each other and screw in the hotel room.
The sex scene is short, but confusing. It's on purpose because Levi has never been with a man and doesn't consider himself gay. Dyuba is hiding something about himself that is revealed in the sex scene in a way that I hope makes you go "WHAT?!" and reread the scene. To anyone homophobic, there isn't actually any gay sex in it.
http://adamsimon.blogspot.com/2014/03/first-two-chapters-of-madness-3rd.html
EDIT: You guys are excellent. I've become a better writer just from this post.

I'm editing my 47,000 word book, Madness. First person from the view of Levi Rucker, an American exploitative journalist and horrible person. He goes to Swaziland (a real place), the worst country in Africa, under the guise of tourism to expose chemical weapons testing. He is joined by a drug lord who turns out to be a woman in disguise to avoid the horrific rights violations of the country. Would be rated NC-17 for confusing sex, constant drug use, and excessive violence. Writing style is very casual and quirky.
I'll buy gold for anyone that finish the book and gives me some feedback I can use. Or some ebook from Amazon. PM your email if you want.

Sample:

Lindiwe Dyuba was unlike anyone I had ever encountered in my travels. He was clearly a Swazi, but it was impossible to pinpoint what gave this impression. His features had not been shaped by hardship, but were soft and gentle. He had a closely shaved and extremely well groomed goatee that trailed into a jawline of hair that connected up his sideburns, which were no thicker than a pencil. His eyes were hidden behind lime green sunglasses, studded with rhinestones, but as he moved his eyes would peek out from behind the glasses for a moment and quickly transmit a message. He could make me disappear quickly and with no questions asked.
Fun Travel Fact: La Societe des Ambianceurs et des Personnes Elegantes was, is, and will be a coalition of Africans enacting a form of civil disobedience of dressing smartly. Tyrants and rulers in African slam their fists down and decry the horrors of Western society and how Africa was chained by their colonialism and call for a break from all Western culture, erasing the shirt and tie in favor of gowns colored up to look like Bob Marley posters in a freshman's dorm room. It's an attempt to unify the Africans by painting Western civilization as the boogeyman and to look a little less goofy. Less Wester clothing means less shirts on their people congratulating the wrong champions of the previous year's world series.
Adherents of La SAPE dress in sharp Western clothing, bright and obvious, a big fluorescent "fuck you" to the authorities that want them to wear grass and mud and call it traditional. Lindiwe Dyuba was a sapeur, a loud and proud man of this movement calling for the modernization of African culture.
"What da yo wanna ta go ta Piggs Peak fo? Icon turn aroun an av yo at da borda in atwenny."
"Well, Lindiwe..."
"LINdiwe," he shouted, correcting my pronunciation with a hard punch in my shoulder.
"LINdiwe," I said. "I have been allowed access to your beautiful country to promote its tourism and the casino is a good place to start."
The same bullshit talk you have with everyone you first meet. Lindiwe said I should make for the border. I agreed, but I was still there to do the job and I related my woes to missing a photographer.
"Icon take da pictchas, ma frien. Ido da photos fo da game reserve so Icon see if da men wit da money want ma pills and grass and such."
He jerked a thumb to the backseat's chemistry set as he drove. Shrugging was the limit of my conviction. It worked for me. I couldn't take pictures to save my life. No head for composition or lighting.
The Swazi and bonded with me over sports. His accent got on my nerves, but he knew his stuff. It was all read or watched though. He had never been to real game. People who can't access something they want to dive into the minutae of data available to fool themselves that they are complete.
"Headin fo da borda afta da casino?" he said.
No, god damn it, you idiot. I'm not heading for the border.
"No. A few more stops. All the highlights of Swaziland. Mbabane, Manzini, some more game reserves, some national parks. I'm going to show off all the greatness of Swaziland," I said.
It was all a lie. Vice Magazine didn't print positive things, but this time I wasn't even here for the standard "look how stupid and evil and depraved these people are" piece. It was something bigger than that. If it worked out, could propel me into some serious news. National Geographic money, guest slots on the Daily Show. The Big Time.
Yuck. This sample is from an older version. It's gotten better. It just isn't in the cloud where I can grab it.